When I was lying in my son's Jake bed tonight trying not to fall asleep, I started thinking about my blog. I have decided that I don't think you all know me. My voice on the blog hasn't really been me. Some of you know, that within a few months of my creating A Spoonful of Dish, Eric, my late husband, was diagnosed with cancer. Over the next year and a half he endured surgeries and countless chemotherapy treatments. I was caring for a very sick husband and two little boys. Ryan was only 18 months when Eric was first diagnosed. In July of last year, Eric passed away from cancer. Therefore, my life these last few years has been a roller coaster.
I think with blogging one must decide how much of themselves they wish to reveal. I have tried not to mention too much about cancer, Eric's fight against it, my feelings on it and the result of our world being turned upside down. As much as I love a good escape, I have changed since Eric's diagnosis and passing. I feel that I have to be more real and cannot just blog on fluff. Don't get me wrong though, I will but I need more substance thrown in the mix otherwise I am not being me.
I am going to try a new format, or actually a format, since let's be real, I've never had one. I am going to still blog on clothes, homes, all that girly fun stuff, but I want to throw in my life, the good and bad. For example, what it's like being a widow, a single mother, the day to day, my guilt for surviving, how I struggle and deal with losing Eric, getting back into the workforce, dating one day. Of course, I would love for you all to be engaged in the topic. I am pretty much an open book. Normally, I don't reveal much because I try to appear happy but since I am working on getting real, I implore you all to be nosy, ask questions, suggest topics or even share your experiences. Loss can be in all forms and doesn't always result in a loved one's death. And we don't have to always discuss loss but for me I think for now, I am more interested in that subject but I am open to all.
So, I thought we should begin by me introducing myself.
Hi. I am Sarah and I am an Aries.
I love my family and appreciate them more with age just like a fine wine. My best friends are my siblings. I am the youngest of four. I have two brothers and a sister. My sister and I have normal names, Sarah and Grace and my brothers have Indian names, Shaman and Charan. My mom named the girls and my dad the boys. My dad had visited India on a spiritual journey and chose those names.
My parents were hippies and my oldest brother, Shaman was born on a commune in Oregon.
I was raised a veggie, as I call it, but now eat meat and love it, especially steak.
I grew up by the beach in Southern California. I absolutely love looking at the ocean but don't have much interest in swimming in it. Strange I know.
I am now a Northern California transplant and still am working on it truly feeling like home.
I feel that I have always been a brunette in a blonde world out here in California.
I have always believed that I should have be born a Southerner. I dream about moving to the South or now that my sister is in the Midwest to Chicago. I can't fully articulate why but I just do.
I do accents, Southern, Indian, British; this trait was learned when my friends and I would prank call.
I do not like having my picture taken and cannot take a compliment.
I am obsessed with reading and don't really watch TV.
I remember life's moments by music and clothes.
I laugh a lot, and I enjoy making others do the same.
I have a high pitched voice which when I hear it on video makes me cringe.
I am petite, a mere 5'2" with a normal frame. I wish I was skinny but never will be.
I work out most days especially since Eric's passing, it helps calm my mind.
I am learning to enjoy running, have always obsessed over aerobics especially kick boxing and lately, addicted to hot yoga.
I was a cheerleader in high school and a runner and in college a member of Alpha Phi Sorority, yes I know one has nothing to do with the other.
I don't really cook and desperately wish I was more interested in it. I gave my kitchen a facelift last year and still do not use it enough.
Pinterest sometimes makes me feel inadequate since I know I won't cook most of the recipes I pin.
I go through phases of using Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr, and Instagram. Today my favorite is Tumblr.
I feel like I am intruding on my friends lives on Facebook, weird right?
I love to shop but often have buyers guilt.
I do not like trends and get tired of seeing everyone buy the same stuff.
In school, I won an art contest and the prize was a trip to Japan.
I am often asked if I am half Asian. I am not, rather I am Native American (Chippewa), Norwegian and English but since I was born and raised in America, I am American.
My mom's family still eats traditional Norwegian foods on holidays.
I have the most loyal and caring friends who amaze me everyday with their friendship. I love you.
What I am most proud of is being a mom to my two little boys, Jake, 5 and Ryan, 4.
They helped me survive this last year and I will be forever grateful to them.
Eric, my late husband, was my prince charming and I am not just saying that. He was romantic, chevalier, funny, bright, showed me the world, taught me more than I could have ever hoped and provided me with an everlasting love.
Lately I am spending a lot of time at soccer. Jake, my five year old practices twice a week with a game on the weekend. With that said, let's talk clothes. I like to wear something cute but comfy since I am either sitting or chasing my Ry guy who has showed zero interest in watching soccer. This is a peek at what I wear when sitting in the sun and soaking up the heat while watching five year olds attempt to play soccer which is proving to be really fun!
Summer is coming to an end for us as school starts next week for the boys. I cannot believe Jake is going to be in Kindergarten. I am a little heart broken but excited for him at the same time. Tonight at bedtime we discussed school and the difference between kindergarten and preschool. He has so many questions and I am doing my best to answer them as well as make him feel confident and excited.
Since next week is a big week we kept this week simple. We played in the pool, ate too many snow cones, watched the Olympics and relaxed.
We did get in a few other activities but overall kept things low key.
I am going to miss our simple days.
Here's a few pics of our week.
En route to a meeting, this is my idea of business casual meets polka dots.